Have you ever thought about how you became who you are? Why you have the personality you do? Or have you ever looked backed as far back as a child and wondered how you changed from that to this?
Let me give you a personal example. When I was a kid, before my parents divorce, I was a very happy child. Then sometime after the divorce it seemed that I was always extremely mad or sad all the time. I would say mean things to people and beat up on my siblings. Then when I would go to bed, I remember feeling like an awful person for being so mean and I would try to make sense of why I was so mad all the time. When I could never find an answer, I was afraid there was something wrong with me.
Being sad was easier than being mad because when I was sad I would just cry it out and then just think of how my life could be worse and it would calm me. [Maybe this is why I'm always preparing for worst case scenarios?] But I look at how I am now and I'm hardly ever mad or sad and I'm oddly optimistic. Granted, I still have my moments just like everyone else. But it's interesting to think about. I have a couple moments I think caused the turning point in not having such angry or sad emotions.
The first one was when I was probably in the 6th grade, or possibly Jr. High School, and we were with my Dad. We were in the car and I was fighting and yelling with one of my siblings and my Dad calmly says something along the lines of "Why do you have to yell?" It made us stop yelling and think. We tried to tell him why we were yelling and he just replied "Why can't you discuss it in normal voices, because yelling won't solve things any faster." It was probably something that we had heard hundreds of times before but coming from my Dad, it seemed to have a different impact. The other moment that I think had an impact on me is hard to remember exactly when or when it happened. I just remember either hearing or coming across a saying that said something like, for every moment you spend upset is a moment of happiness you can never get back. [I don't take credit for this saying but I just can't remember where it came from or who said it]. I shortly came to the realization that life is too short to be sad all the time. So I changed it. It sounds too easy I know but, I just remember not liking how I felt about life and changed how I felt. I think that I still use the "it could be worse" method a lot and I think it helps. Because if you feel like you're having a bad day, think about how it could be worse and know that its possible someone else could be having a worse day.
I know this post is getting kind of lengthy but, I was just curious if anyone else ever thinks about how you became who you are.
You know, just earlier this week, I sat down and had dinner with a friend and we talked for hours. One of the things we brought up was how things early in life shape who you are in the present. We delved through simple things like how we interact with people on a daily basis to psychosexual development and how that also alters that way you interact with people around you.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of a running joke that I automatically start off hating everyone, so that it can only ever go up from there and that I'll never be disappointed, mostly as a defense mechanism. It seems like something clicked in my head not too long ago (maybe a few months ago) and I just decided to try and change the way I go about the world. I don't care what people think about me, but what if someone was meant to be in my life as a positive force, and I was so busy being so self absorbed and scared and shy and pushing them away, and blaming everyone but myself, that I missed a great thing? It's really as easy (and as hard) and just switching your perspective and changing your daily view and interactions. It's been a work in progress. I think everyone comes to a point where they just really have to delve into things and think about how they got to where they are.
Oh yeah, I tend to ramble, so...sorry about that :) I don't know if it's a family trait or if it's just me. It just means I enjoy your blog :)
Ramble on :) that's all I do on this blog :) and thanks for commenting! You're the first one! Its nice to get a response from someone :)
ReplyDeleteI've always believed that anyone worth having in your life would take the time to get to know you and make an effort to be in your life. Anyone else isn't worth the trouble.