How did we become who we are

Have you ever thought about how you became who you are? Why you have the personality you do? Or have you ever looked backed as far back as a child and wondered how you changed from that to this?

Let me give you a personal example.  When I was a kid, before my parents divorce, I was a very happy child.  Then sometime after the divorce it seemed that I was always extremely mad or sad all the time.  I would say mean things to people and beat up on my siblings. Then when I would go to bed, I remember feeling like an awful person for being so mean and I would try to make sense of why I was so mad all the time.  When I could never find an answer, I was afraid there was something wrong with me.

Being sad was easier than being mad because when I was sad I would just cry it out and then just think of how my life could be worse and it would calm me. [Maybe this is why I'm always preparing for worst case scenarios?]  But I look at how I am now and I'm hardly ever mad or sad and I'm oddly optimistic.  Granted, I still have my moments just like everyone else.  But it's interesting to think about. I have a couple moments I think caused the turning point in not having such angry or sad emotions.

The first one was when I was probably in the 6th grade, or possibly Jr. High School, and we were with my Dad.  We were in the car and I was fighting and yelling with one of my siblings and my Dad calmly says something along the lines of "Why do you have to yell?" It made us stop yelling and think.  We tried to tell him why we were yelling and he just replied "Why can't you discuss it in normal voices, because yelling won't solve things any faster."  It was probably something that we had heard hundreds of times before but coming from my Dad, it seemed to have a different impact.  The other moment that I think had an impact on me is hard to remember exactly when or when it happened.  I just remember either hearing or coming across a saying that said something like, for every moment you spend upset is a moment of happiness you can never get back. [I don't take credit for this saying but I just can't remember where it came from or who said it].  I shortly came to the realization that life is too short to be sad all the time.  So I changed it.  It sounds too easy I know but, I just remember not liking how I felt about life and changed how I felt.  I think that I still use the "it could be worse" method a lot and I think it helps.  Because if you feel like you're having a bad day, think about how it could be worse and know that its possible someone else could be having a worse day.

I know this post is getting kind of lengthy but, I was just curious if anyone else ever thinks about how you became who you are.  

2nd Job

So I start my training for my second job on Monday...  I'm excited for the idea of having more money so that I can really start taking care of my debt so I the idea of getting a car or saving to buy a house won't be just dreaming.  Although I fear that I'll lose my free time, my me time.  The time I get during my week to forget everything else and just do the things I want to.  Especially since my job is burning me out more and more because I'm just tired of doing the same thing everyday.  I guess though if I can make enough money than I can pay off my debts and get a decent computer and afford design software so I can refine my creative design skills.  Then I might be able to amp up my creative portfolio and either do some free-lance work or start working for a company doing things that I really enjoy.  Don't get me wrong, in my current job I love the part that I get to help people.  What I don't like is feeling like I'm the bottom of the totem pole and not being appreciated or respected.  Granted I will probably feel that way no matter what position I am in unless I become some one's boss.  I did that once and it wasn't so bad but, then I just keep getting confronted with my largest flaw, I'm too nice.  Yes being too nice is a flaw and it's also probably why I feel trapped at my current job.

Even if I did find another job I feel like I wouldn't be able to just put in my two weeks and peace out.  It would take months to find and train another person to even just understand the surface of what to do. I suppose though if I keep getting treated the way I do then they will just give me ever reason I need to leave.  I'm a college graduate, I have a degree, and I was on the Dean's list my last 3 semesters of college.  I'm smart and talented.  I quit my last job because I felt that if I went to college than I should be doing a job that requires a college education, not a job you could get as a high school student.  But some how I'm still in a job where any responsible adult could handle, college degree or not.

The worst part is, there isn't much I can do about it right now.  I need the money and there are hardly any good paying entry level positions these days. Everyone wants someone with experience and I can't get experience if no one else will hire me.  Or the positions that are out there are purely sale based and I can't sell something to save my life.

All this talk is starting to be to depressing.  I'll start my second job, make enough money to pay off my debt, get that decent computer and design software, create an impressive portfolio, and start pursuing the career that I went to college for, a creative designer for advertising (if something else hasn't come along that I find that I love doing).  Until then, all I can do is take one day at a time and strive to be in a better spot than I am now a year from now. So I guess wish me luck as a start my second job and hope that my sanity stays in tact :)