One Year!

I was just making a post over on my song page when I realized the first post I did on that page was at the end of December.  I then thought to myself "Huh, that's almost a year ago, I should definitely make a post at my one year mark"......   Well I missed it :(  My very first post was on 11/28/2011.  I guess instead of being sad about it I should just continue on with my, spur of the moment, "One Year" post.

I realized that I have not being blogging nearly as much as I had hoped I would.  I really wish I could blame it on how busy my life has been but, my life really hasn't been that busy.  At the beginning of this year I had a second job, now I don't.  Then I moved to a new apartment. My sister came home for a brief bit after she graduated from TBS in North Carolina. I got to see Def Leppard, Poison, and Barenaked Ladies in concert  I turned 25.  My little sister turned 21.  I went out to California to visit my sister.  I made my first turkey and hosted a potluck Thanksgiving dinner.  I think that brings us to present day.  Looking back on the year there is really only one thing I wish I would have done.  I wish I would have made a bigger deal about my 25th birthday.  It was mid October when I thought to myself, "I should really do something awesome for my 25th birthday."  Then I realized that I was about 2 months too late for that idea.  Don't get me wrong, I had a great birthday but, it was much like my 24th birthday.  I then told myself that "O well, I'll just party twice as hard next year." But at the same time, why should I celebrate when that next birthday means I'm no longer in my early 20s. I would then be in my upper 20s and that much closer to the dreaded 30. (I made a very disgusted face as typed that).  I just have to keep telling myself that 30 can't be that bad.....right?

Anyway, I know that you'll probably read lots of "end-of-the-year reflections" and I guess that's what my "One Year" post kind of turned into.  But for all of you that do read my sparse blog, "THANK YOU!"  Thank you for reading and sticking around, I will try to keep with it and do it better :)

Lovely airport internet

Sooo, I'm waiting for my flight from Phoenix to Orange County CA and the internet is too slow to do much of anything. And since I have about 3 hours until my flight, I thought, hey why not blog.  There are lots of things I could probably blog about while sitting at the airport.  The non-stop people watching capabilities, the security checkpoints, the high priced food.... There is such an abundance of people watching, I can't stay focused for very long on a certain person and/or group. The security really wasn't that bad and the high priced food... well it was to be expected.

How about we talk about my fear of flying.  There are those people who are afraid that they are going to die in a plane crash. Then there are those people who are afraid of the very tight spaces.  My fear includes both of these and another part.  I am also afraid of getting sick on the airplane.  My very first flight I had to make use of those lovely bags they provide you with.  The second time I flew was over seas to Italy, I had my trusty motion sickness medicine.  Not only did this help with the motion sickness but it also knocked me out so I wasn't even able to think about the other two things.  The only problem with motion sickness medicine is even though it says "non-drowsy" it can still put you to sleep.  Which isn't a problem if you're traveling with people.  But if I'm traveling by myself, which I am, its hard for me to trust that I will be alert for any messages that would pertain to me.

The only thing good about flying is you get that faster. No long drives or having to drive until all hours of the night. Just jump on a plane and get there a matter of hours (that is if your flights are on time).  Currently, the flight that I am waiting for is suppose to take off in about an hour. It has been delayed so now I have about a 3 hour wait... Another thing I dislike about airports.  If you are suppose to leave at a certain time and get somewhere at a certain time, why doesn't it always happen that way.  I'm sure there are lost of things that can happen to cause a flight to delay but, how long have we been utilizing airplanes and the airport transit system? You would think by now we would have backup plans or planes.

I should stop complaining but, now I'm stuck in this airport until my plane shows up, with a horrible internet connection and all of this delicious smelling food that is too expensive to justify the purchase. I have this blog post to keep me busy, for about...30 minutes.  I guess I'll just keep trying to get my internet to move faster.

Thanks for listening to my bored rantings. Happy Thanksgiving!

This song reminds me of...

Isn't great how a simple song or melody can take you back.  When it happens, it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing but it can stop you in your tracks.  It happens to me often but, thankfully they are usually fun and/or ridiculous memories that will make me give a quick smile or a small chuckle.  Then there are those memories that make you smile and shake you're head because it reminds you of those times when you were young and dumb.  Unfortunately there are those that creep up every once in a while that you wish you could undo, take back, correct.  After some reflection, those you try to put in a dark corner to try and forget about.

But that's all I wanted to say was how great memories are and how pleasant it is when a song or moment can take you back to a happy one.

So it has been almost 3 months...

Hello!  I promise I did not die but I do apologize for all the dead air.  I have been extremely busy these last three months, between working my second job (which I quit btw), training for the Warrior Dash, and moving, life has been crazy!

Mostly though I would like to talk about moving.  Why do we put ourselves through this?  I know for some its the upgrade in living quarters, for some its the location and some its just because you need something new.  But man o man, I sure hope I don't have to move again for a while.  I've moved 7 times in the last 6 years, I want to stay put!  I just hope the new place that we moved into holds up.  The only other place I'd be ok with moving into, is a new house but, since I still have over $25K in student loans and some pretty hefty credit card bills,  I don't see that happening anytime soon.  I'm really ok with that though because like I said, I just want to stay put for awhile.

We've pretty much settled in but there is still so many boxes of things I can seem to bring myself to get rid of.  I'm far from "hoarder" status but after moving so many times it feels like I'm moving boxes and boxes of unnecessary things. Things that I forgot I even had.  You would think that after you've forgotten it you would be ok with getting rid of it right? I wish!  When I find things that I have forgotten about I simply reminisce with them and become only more attached.  I'm telling myself that I need to go through the mounds of boxes that I have stacked in my closet but, I'm afraid  to get re-attached to items that I'm sure I could get rid of.  So maybe if I wait long enough then I will forget the importance of the things completely. Then I can get rid of the things that I didn't really need to hold on to in the first place.

But I suppose that's all for now.  I promise I won't wait so long to post another post next time but, thank you for coming back.  I'm looking for a new song to post as well so stay tuned

A Few Little Tweaks

Ok, so keeping up with a blog takes more work than I thought it would.  I thought "how hard could it be to type a little something at  least just once a week."  Well it seems harder and harder to find things that I feel I can write about that won't bore people.  Unless of course I've already done that then....  Well thanks for being patient with me :). I think I touched a little about that in my last blog, trying to find things to write about that other people might be able to relate to or are worthy of posting.

Anywho, I don't really have anything to really say in this blog other than I've added a couple new gadgets on the side.  Not sure if I will keep them or not but thought I would test them out.  Also I've updated the "Song of the Week" title.  I feel that it has turned into false advertising and feel bad for not being able to keep up with that.  Hopefully, instead of feeling rushed in trying to find a song every week, I can spend more time looking for new songs that have really grabbed my ear or older songs that mean a lot to me.

So just going to try out some different things and we'll see how it goes :)

Lack of Posts

Sorry I don't post much on here, but I haven't had much to talk about.  The days sort of just run together and before I know it its the weekend.  Then I blink and it's Monday again.  Life just seems to swirl around me and sometimes I'm lucky enough to pause to enjoy the simple things of life.

I don't even know why I started a blog anyway.  It's not like I feel passionate about anything that is really happening in the world right now.  All I know is that things are really messed up in the world and they all seemed to be connected to each other.  So if you're going to fight for one cause then you have to choose a side and be knowledgeable about everything else too.  And who knows if you're getting all the facts unless you're getting your information from lots of different sources because if you don't then you're probably only getting one side of the story.

I haven't been following the race for president too well but, the things I do see really don't give me much hope.  They're just saying things and making promises that all presidents do but really all they want is money and power.  When are we going to have a president who wants to be president because they want to change things and make things better for this country and not be greedy or power hungry.  I know that Obama hasn't done everything that he's promised but honestly at this point I feel better about having him as president for the next 4 years than putting any of the other candidates in charge of things.  But again I haven't been following the race probably as close as a should but I just get this feeling that if we elect another president, we'll be worse off than what we are now.

Again I'm not choosing sides but something else to think about is, how can anyone really get much done in 4 years anyway. With everything having to take such a long process to get things passed and changed, no one could get everything they want changed in that time frame. I mean when Obama did try to rush things everyone was up in arms about it, I don't blame them, no big decision should be made lightly.  But again that brings me back to my point I don't think any person can get much done in 4 years.

I probably won't vote this year though.  I don't like the candidates that are running and I'm not completely ok with re-voting for Obama either. I would just rather not have any of them in office. But like I mentioned before I started venting about politics,  I can't really feel passionate or get into the elections because I don't know where to go for the real facts that aren't made biased by media and I don't know about all the issues that are happening right now so how can I really choose a side.

How did we become who we are

Have you ever thought about how you became who you are? Why you have the personality you do? Or have you ever looked backed as far back as a child and wondered how you changed from that to this?

Let me give you a personal example.  When I was a kid, before my parents divorce, I was a very happy child.  Then sometime after the divorce it seemed that I was always extremely mad or sad all the time.  I would say mean things to people and beat up on my siblings. Then when I would go to bed, I remember feeling like an awful person for being so mean and I would try to make sense of why I was so mad all the time.  When I could never find an answer, I was afraid there was something wrong with me.

Being sad was easier than being mad because when I was sad I would just cry it out and then just think of how my life could be worse and it would calm me. [Maybe this is why I'm always preparing for worst case scenarios?]  But I look at how I am now and I'm hardly ever mad or sad and I'm oddly optimistic.  Granted, I still have my moments just like everyone else.  But it's interesting to think about. I have a couple moments I think caused the turning point in not having such angry or sad emotions.

The first one was when I was probably in the 6th grade, or possibly Jr. High School, and we were with my Dad.  We were in the car and I was fighting and yelling with one of my siblings and my Dad calmly says something along the lines of "Why do you have to yell?" It made us stop yelling and think.  We tried to tell him why we were yelling and he just replied "Why can't you discuss it in normal voices, because yelling won't solve things any faster."  It was probably something that we had heard hundreds of times before but coming from my Dad, it seemed to have a different impact.  The other moment that I think had an impact on me is hard to remember exactly when or when it happened.  I just remember either hearing or coming across a saying that said something like, for every moment you spend upset is a moment of happiness you can never get back. [I don't take credit for this saying but I just can't remember where it came from or who said it].  I shortly came to the realization that life is too short to be sad all the time.  So I changed it.  It sounds too easy I know but, I just remember not liking how I felt about life and changed how I felt.  I think that I still use the "it could be worse" method a lot and I think it helps.  Because if you feel like you're having a bad day, think about how it could be worse and know that its possible someone else could be having a worse day.

I know this post is getting kind of lengthy but, I was just curious if anyone else ever thinks about how you became who you are.  

2nd Job

So I start my training for my second job on Monday...  I'm excited for the idea of having more money so that I can really start taking care of my debt so I the idea of getting a car or saving to buy a house won't be just dreaming.  Although I fear that I'll lose my free time, my me time.  The time I get during my week to forget everything else and just do the things I want to.  Especially since my job is burning me out more and more because I'm just tired of doing the same thing everyday.  I guess though if I can make enough money than I can pay off my debts and get a decent computer and afford design software so I can refine my creative design skills.  Then I might be able to amp up my creative portfolio and either do some free-lance work or start working for a company doing things that I really enjoy.  Don't get me wrong, in my current job I love the part that I get to help people.  What I don't like is feeling like I'm the bottom of the totem pole and not being appreciated or respected.  Granted I will probably feel that way no matter what position I am in unless I become some one's boss.  I did that once and it wasn't so bad but, then I just keep getting confronted with my largest flaw, I'm too nice.  Yes being too nice is a flaw and it's also probably why I feel trapped at my current job.

Even if I did find another job I feel like I wouldn't be able to just put in my two weeks and peace out.  It would take months to find and train another person to even just understand the surface of what to do. I suppose though if I keep getting treated the way I do then they will just give me ever reason I need to leave.  I'm a college graduate, I have a degree, and I was on the Dean's list my last 3 semesters of college.  I'm smart and talented.  I quit my last job because I felt that if I went to college than I should be doing a job that requires a college education, not a job you could get as a high school student.  But some how I'm still in a job where any responsible adult could handle, college degree or not.

The worst part is, there isn't much I can do about it right now.  I need the money and there are hardly any good paying entry level positions these days. Everyone wants someone with experience and I can't get experience if no one else will hire me.  Or the positions that are out there are purely sale based and I can't sell something to save my life.

All this talk is starting to be to depressing.  I'll start my second job, make enough money to pay off my debt, get that decent computer and design software, create an impressive portfolio, and start pursuing the career that I went to college for, a creative designer for advertising (if something else hasn't come along that I find that I love doing).  Until then, all I can do is take one day at a time and strive to be in a better spot than I am now a year from now. So I guess wish me luck as a start my second job and hope that my sanity stays in tact :)

Getting-Healthy Diet

I started a new food regimen yesterday.  It requires that I mix this incredibly nutritious soy mix into a shake/smoothie and have one for breakfast and lunch everyday for at least 30 days.  I am also suppose to eat "reasonable" snacks and have at least one reasonable meal (supper/dinner).  So far I've done such and I've even made it to the gym yesterday and today.  Although today driving back from the gym I drove past all these food places and I thought to myself what will I eat for lunch and it hit me.  I don't get to eat lunch, I'm suppose to drink lunch.  I won't get to eat breakfast either for another 28 days.  The shakes really aren't that bad, now that my boyfriend showed me how to make them.  It's the idea that I won't be able to actually "eat" breakfast or lunch for another month.  It'll be tough but I just have to keep telling myself that I need to be healthier.  After quitting my waitress job for an office job, I've gained a lot of weight and I know that my body is taking the toll because of it.  And after I'm done with these 30 days, I know that keeping the weight off and staying healthy will be even harder than this next month will be.  So here's to being done with day number 2, only 28 days more to go.  Wish me luck!

Small Moments

The other day I was getting out of my car and I experienced something that has happened to my once before.  It had been fairly windy all day.  It was night time and snow had started to gently fall.  I had parked my car and was getting ready to brace myself from the cold wind I would face when I stepped out of my car.  Instead I stepped out of my car and turned around and saw something marvelous.  I must have been a wind break because the snow was falling so slowing and the light in the parking lot was just in the right spot. I could make out the unique shapes of each snowflake.  It was so peaceful and beautiful that I almost cried.  Everything that seemed to be wrong or troubling just fell away and all there was peace.  

The only other time I remember a moment like that happening. I was a Freshman in high school and I was just getting home from play or speech practice. It was a brisk night but the stars were so bright and the sky was so clear.  In that moment too I can still remember the feeling of peace and I remember just feeling completely overwhelmed with the beauty of it all that I did cry.  I don't think I cried just because of the sight but also because I felt like a horrible person because there is an amazing and beautiful world out there and the things that took precedence over my concerns and worries, seemed so minuscule. 

I do know that both moments after I felt bad, I thanked God for all the wonderful things he had given me.  Now looking back on both incidents, maybe those moments were also little gifts from above.  Putting me in the right moment so I could take a moment and refocus myself on the things that are truly important in life. 

I just wanted to share these moments with you so that hopefully the next time to witness something beautiful in the world you can truly appreciate it for everything that it is.