Ok so I know that everyone does the end-of-the-year reflections but I feel like this year I can look back at the year and for the first time since I was probably 15, I can look back and not feel horrible for something that I had done or feel sad about how something changed or turned out. Wow since I was 15... is that sad or what. That's 8 New Year's. A lot of the things I did though brought me here and made me who I am so, for the most part I have to look at them as lessons, not regrets. I used to be proud to say that I didn't have any regrets but, looking back, there is one thing that I do regret. Something that I thought I could eventually forgive myself for and forget about it. But unfortunately it will be something that I will always carry around with me. And it's sad that in this moment, of finally being able to look back at this year, 2011, and feel happy, I have just now finally realized that I do regret it. That's big. But maybe knowing that I do regret something, I can just live that much more diligently trying to make sure I don't regret anything else. So is the thing I regret doing really a regret or is it just another one of life's lessons?
It's funny because I started this blog with the intention of reflecting back on 2011 and be able to report that nothing absolutely horrible happened. Instead of titling this blog "End of 2011" it should be title "Lessons or Regrets". But that would mean my intention of this blog would have been to come out and talk about my lessons and regret and it wasn't. It just sort of happened. I've sort have lost everything I was going to reflect about now. I think I've just blown myself away. I must say though that I am extremely grateful for all the great things, no matter how small, that happened in 2011. I know that sometimes I felt like I might not make it and it would've been easy to mope around and claim defeat but with great optimism and faith, I have survived another year of this crazy thing called life. I hope that you have all had a great year as well. And even though year end reflections can be kind of overdone, you might be surprised what you discover.
Happy New Year,
See ya in 2012!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Over Analyzing
Staring at my blank page once again, I have all these thoughts that I could put out there but then I find myself dismissing them before I even get a chance to start. So I'm going to try to just start typing and see where my thought process leads me.
I think that the biggest issue I have is that I am constantly over thinking everything. I usually a very optimistic person but really in my head I'm always thinking worst case scenarios. It's a constant battle that I have with myself at least twenty times a day. Does anyone else have that problem? And does anyone have that problem to the point that it effects the relationships you have with people? I feel like I'm constantly thinking worst case scenario when the smallest thing goes wrong. I'll give you an example, you're out with a couple of your friends, you leave to go get another drink and when you're coming back to the place where your friends are you see that they're having an intense conversation but as soon as you get within ear shot they stop talking. You ask them what they were talking about and they say "o nothing, just stuff about work." You want to believe them and for the first couple of minutes you do. Until you start thinking about all the little details, the body language, the possibility that they could be really texting each other, "the vibe" they are now sending you. But are they really sending you a bad vibe? Or do you just think they are because you think they were talking about you behind your back. You're able to get through the night with it just rolling off your shoulders but, when you get home or wake up in the morning, you can't help but overplay the events of the night into the smallest details and analyzing everything, (at least the parts you remember).
Now I don't really have this problem too much anymore because 1) I don't go out very much anymore and 2) when I do it's just me and one other person so the chance of them talking behind my back is fairly slim. Unless.... they have another personality that I don't know about. I go through things like that on a daily basis, with my co-workers, my family, my boyfriend, I'm just constantly over-analyzing everything. And since I'm usually optimistic I try to tell myself that I'm wrong and that the worst case scenario is simply ridiculous but then I go back to the little detail that started me on the analyzing in the first place. It's a vicious cycle but sometimes I wander if maybe I have another personality. Either way, it's effecting some of the best relationships I have and something needs to change.
I putting this question out there feel free to ponder, feel free to comment, or/and feel free to never read this blog again because by the end of this you feel that you'll never get that 15 minutes back in you life.
How do you fix over analyzing your life without over analyzing? Is it possible without going to a shrink? Or should I just tell myself that it's who I am and the people in my life will just have to be patient with me if I come up with ridiculous scenarios when something minuscule happens?
I think that the biggest issue I have is that I am constantly over thinking everything. I usually a very optimistic person but really in my head I'm always thinking worst case scenarios. It's a constant battle that I have with myself at least twenty times a day. Does anyone else have that problem? And does anyone have that problem to the point that it effects the relationships you have with people? I feel like I'm constantly thinking worst case scenario when the smallest thing goes wrong. I'll give you an example, you're out with a couple of your friends, you leave to go get another drink and when you're coming back to the place where your friends are you see that they're having an intense conversation but as soon as you get within ear shot they stop talking. You ask them what they were talking about and they say "o nothing, just stuff about work." You want to believe them and for the first couple of minutes you do. Until you start thinking about all the little details, the body language, the possibility that they could be really texting each other, "the vibe" they are now sending you. But are they really sending you a bad vibe? Or do you just think they are because you think they were talking about you behind your back. You're able to get through the night with it just rolling off your shoulders but, when you get home or wake up in the morning, you can't help but overplay the events of the night into the smallest details and analyzing everything, (at least the parts you remember).
Now I don't really have this problem too much anymore because 1) I don't go out very much anymore and 2) when I do it's just me and one other person so the chance of them talking behind my back is fairly slim. Unless.... they have another personality that I don't know about. I go through things like that on a daily basis, with my co-workers, my family, my boyfriend, I'm just constantly over-analyzing everything. And since I'm usually optimistic I try to tell myself that I'm wrong and that the worst case scenario is simply ridiculous but then I go back to the little detail that started me on the analyzing in the first place. It's a vicious cycle but sometimes I wander if maybe I have another personality. Either way, it's effecting some of the best relationships I have and something needs to change.
I putting this question out there feel free to ponder, feel free to comment, or/and feel free to never read this blog again because by the end of this you feel that you'll never get that 15 minutes back in you life.
How do you fix over analyzing your life without over analyzing? Is it possible without going to a shrink? Or should I just tell myself that it's who I am and the people in my life will just have to be patient with me if I come up with ridiculous scenarios when something minuscule happens?
Monday, November 28, 2011
Field must not be blank
Hello blog world,
First off I would just like to say that starting a blog is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. Originally, I thought it was just about finding the right URL and then you're set, you're off to start filling the Internet with all your thoughts and opinions. It's so much more than that. It's about the message you are trying to get across, the image you want to portray. I suppose I knew all of these things before I wanted to start a blog but, when I was looking for a blog site to start on, they wanted me to choose all the important things first. Like how I wanted to sign all my blogs, what the title of my blog should be. But what if those things change as I'm writing, what if they aren't part of the message I'm trying to get across. So instead of making my blogging more complicated than it needed to be, I decided to title my blog "A Blank Page."
I feel that it fits. It reminded me that a blog is empty until you put something in it. Just like a piece of paper is blank until you put something on it. Whether it be your homework, notes, poems, a journal entry, a picture, it always starts blank and you get to decide what fills it. I got the idea because I was so excited that I finally found the URL I wanted and then it told me I needed a blog title. Underneath the blog title it said "Field must not be blank." Which was about to be the title of my blog but I decided against it. I almost just used my URL as my title but, I didn't want to cross any copyright lines since it is a lyric in a song. Can I even say what song it's in? Can I use the artist's name? Hmm I guess I'll need to do some more research on that, maybe that Comm Law book that I kept from college will come in handy or maybe even that's a little outdated.
Nevertheless, I have started on this blog journey and if you've read this far, thank you for joining me. I hope that my future blog posts keep you coming back for more. Also, please excuse the lack of info on the site, it is still under construction.
First off I would just like to say that starting a blog is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. Originally, I thought it was just about finding the right URL and then you're set, you're off to start filling the Internet with all your thoughts and opinions. It's so much more than that. It's about the message you are trying to get across, the image you want to portray. I suppose I knew all of these things before I wanted to start a blog but, when I was looking for a blog site to start on, they wanted me to choose all the important things first. Like how I wanted to sign all my blogs, what the title of my blog should be. But what if those things change as I'm writing, what if they aren't part of the message I'm trying to get across. So instead of making my blogging more complicated than it needed to be, I decided to title my blog "A Blank Page."
I feel that it fits. It reminded me that a blog is empty until you put something in it. Just like a piece of paper is blank until you put something on it. Whether it be your homework, notes, poems, a journal entry, a picture, it always starts blank and you get to decide what fills it. I got the idea because I was so excited that I finally found the URL I wanted and then it told me I needed a blog title. Underneath the blog title it said "Field must not be blank." Which was about to be the title of my blog but I decided against it. I almost just used my URL as my title but, I didn't want to cross any copyright lines since it is a lyric in a song. Can I even say what song it's in? Can I use the artist's name? Hmm I guess I'll need to do some more research on that, maybe that Comm Law book that I kept from college will come in handy or maybe even that's a little outdated.
Nevertheless, I have started on this blog journey and if you've read this far, thank you for joining me. I hope that my future blog posts keep you coming back for more. Also, please excuse the lack of info on the site, it is still under construction.
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